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An Open Letter to my Father

Tay, it’s been a month. And for a month now, I avoided writing to you. It is not because I don’t want to. But because I don’t think there are words in the dictionary that would express how I feel.

I just want to tell you that I love you so much. I regret the times that I was not there to be with the family because I was “busy” with non-essential things. I am sorry that I was not able to tell you how I much I love you, and that I was most proud when you were proud of me. I have given you so little but you have given us so much. And I can never ever repay you. I missed the chance of even saying “Thank you” time and time again and showing how much you mean to me.

I was wrong to assume that you will always be there. I assumed that whenever I go home, I would see you and talk to you. But now it will never happen.

You left us so suddenly that it shocked us. A month ago now and I cant believe that time flew so fast. In my mind, I can still see you in our house. Sometimes I will myself to see you. But of course I cannot. Because you are in heaven now, the way you taught us that a person who dies does not linger but the spirit is lifted up to be with our God the Father.

I know your mission was accomplished. And that the Lord Jesus’ timing was perfect in your life. He took you the moment you’ve accomplished His will. I would have wished that He has given us enough time to be together. But it was not to be so.

In your passing, still you have given us so much more. More clarity in our lives, in our relationship with Nanay, with our relatives, and most especially with the Lord Jesus.

In your death, you gave us new birth, and new meaning. And for that we will always be eternally grateful.

I love you Tatay. I will forever celebrate your life as a pastor and as a Father. Thank you for the memories that I will forever hold close to my heart.

“Isipin nyo na lang, tapos na”
Efren Alcaparas Esteban
(April 13, 1948 – November 11, 2012)