What Am I to Lose

I was today years old when I learned to skate. Not really. Let’s just say I tried.

My daughter wanted to. My older daughter persuaded me. And I thought to myself, why not?

When will I ever do this without the fear of being laughed at?

So I went ahead and rented skate shoes, went to the ice, uttered a quick prayer to prevent broken bones and hips, and off I went. It was now or never. There was an inner battle happening as I stood at the rink, right before I stepped onto the ice. If I don’t do it now, I might regret not even trying. What am I to lose, except the experience?

When I heard my daughter encouraging me to join her on the ice, I thought — this is it. This is something I can share with her, something we can talk about in years to come. And that made me step onto the ice and wobble toward her.

I wish I could say that I was born to be a skater. I was not. I used a skate aid the whole time, and I was scared.

My legs were wobbly and my shoulders stiff. But when I got the hang of it, I “soared” — sort of.

I was skating fast with my skate aid, wishing I could skate with just my legs. But feeling the ice below, how fast I glided, just zooming — it was so much fun.

It made me think that there is no real age to learn or try something new. It is really just yourself, and the boundaries you have put on yourself, that have held you back for so long.

The feeling of being steady on your feet versus the wobbliness of standing on a completely different kind of surface — it’s a decision in itself. Being sure-footed is always the safe choice, knowing that the ground beneath you is solid and familiar. The ice was unfamiliar, slippery — one wrong move and it could send me landing flat on my face.

Kind of like what we have chosen. Leaving the solid ground we were standing on and exchanging it for something unfamiliar and slippery. We came here not knowing how to glide, holding on to whatever guide we could find. And it was excitement personified, even though we were scared of everything unfamiliar. Because of our daughter. We stepped onto a slippery surface just to try to give her something we believed was better.

Do I regret it?

Skating around on an unfamiliar surface, in shoes that were tight and hard to navigate, was not easy. I could not let go of the skate aid. But zooming around, laughing with my daughter, wobbling alongside her — it hits different. It was exhilarating. Something I still cannot quite put into words. I was learning with her as I stumbled along the way.

Would I try it again? Most likely.

Would I be a good skater? I can’t say.

But that first time trying something new is worth remembering. And the decision to step onto the ice — that’s a story worth retelling.